Finally…I had the courage to write this here. Make it to the public. It is a story as a daughter.

Yesterday has been my most dreadful and devil day. I never cried for so long. Few hours…

I never had a peaceful family since I was born to this world. My dad and mum…always quarrel. Maybe it is common to some people. They could easily say that quarrel symbolizes ‘love’. What kind of bullshits are these? However, I do not accept such situation. I don’t cry when I fell. I don’t cry when I was scolded by the fieriest teacher. I cry when it comes to my family affair. Let me conclude a statistic here. They quarrel at least twice a month.

Quarrels are actually common. Most couples bicker. But things are a bit different here…in my family. Both never realize their mistakes. They never want to change. Mum is a stubborn and hard woman. She would not say sorry if she did nothing wrong. Dad…unreasonable, fierce but coward, stubborn and like to malign people. I am not the perfect one. I am a rebellious daughter who dares to talk back at my dad. But, who knows that actually I am trying to make things halt and try to solve the never ending problem. Perhaps…the methods I used are not right.

For seventeen years, I had seen them scolding each others with bad words (mostly my dad), hits, telling each other to ‘go die off’, ‘no feelings to each other’ and etc. I don’t understand how these words can come off so easily from their mouths. So why do they become couples, get married and made a new life? Recently, I gave up on them. I would happily agree them to divorce. As for me, I would want to follow my mum. Yeah, I love my mum. Too much love that I want to protect her for her whole life. I would never let dad to hit mum. I would rush up to shield my mum when dad flares. I will always side to my mum.

And…I hate my dad. The hatred gets stronger each year…after each quarrel. Our relationship restrains. I hardly speak to my dad five sentences a day. I don’t tell him my feelings either happy or sad. He would never know when I fall sick. I know that he actually dotes on me; giving me everything I need and want. You name it. But he never show cares to me. I need a blissful family. Every time when they quarrel, he would threaten to stop giving us monthly expenses. Who cares? Neither I nor my mum would. What we want is a harmony family where he could show more concern and make an effort to retain the family. Money never buys happiness. Well…he can never understand this concept.

There were a few scenes which I could still remember clearly. Whenever I thought of them, my heart aches. When I was very small, they had a quarrel. Mum was mopping the floor. Then, out of anger…dad poured the pail of water in a bucket for mopping onto the floor. Flood. Then I saw my mum silently dried the ‘very wet floor’. My dad never lifts a finger on housework. He would only complain my mum for doing too much cleaning. Darn… Then there was another incident where dad grabbed mum’s shirt too harshly and her necklace broke. It must be painful at her neck. Anyway, my mum is not an idiot. She too will hit back.

Okay…back to what happen yesterday. The quarrel involves the whole family. Three of us. Bla bla bla….. the reason and contents I don’t think I will mention it here. I ended up crying. That afternoon I had my job interview. It was just an hour before it starts. How am I going to make it? Teary eyes and a very bad mood. Mum wanted to bring me out for lunch before my interview. But my dad...he doesn’t allow mum to drive her car out. Darn… then mum called her friend to pick us. So there went my interview. The chances of being chosen are fairly slim…

Don’t the adults care about their children feelings? Don’t they know it will affect the child
mentally and cause the child to lost faith in certain things? …like marriages, the concept of ‘living happily ever after’ and eternal love. I realize these only exist in fairy tales. If I was given a chance to reborn, I would want to be a farmer’s daughter, living somewhere far away from cities, lead a simple but happy life.

SPM over~

It is over. Finally everything is over. No more stress but left me a pile of worries. Frankly speaking, I am having nightmares everyday since SPM is over. It is either I got a D for my subjects or answered wrongly.

It has been quite a while since I stop blogging and I even have the intention to stop forever, close my blog. But somehow I regain my interest…so I think I will just keep on blogging…

The period I was having SPM was sucks. So I don’t think I want to even mention it here. All is about stress and stress. Argh…. So, this year I am leaving Convent forever. Erm…I should be specific that I am leaving my friends…my best friends, especially Leay Ying, Ying Xian, Shin Puay and Ke Er. Sob…I am going to miss you all. Certainly. I wonder when we can meet again. At your wedding dinner? Okay I am looking forward to see each of you having what kind of husband.

Time is passing damn slowly. I still got six months to go. How am I going to survive? It is totally bored at home!

A letter from year 2070

We are in the year 2070
I just turned 50 years, but I looked 85
I experience major kidney problems, because I drink very little water
I think that I don’t have much more time to live
Today I’m the oldest person living in this society
I remember when I was 5 years old, everything was very different
There were lots of trees in the parks and
I could enjoy long bathes and stay in the shower for one whole hour
Now we have to clean ourselves by using disposable towelettes moisturized with mineral oil
Before women were proud of their beautiful hair
Now we have to shave our heads to keep it clean without using water
I remember the many warnings ‘DON’T WATSE WATER’
But nobody paid attention
People assumed that water was unlimited
Industry is now paralyzed and jobless rate reached a dramatic level
Desalination plants are the main employers
They give the drinking water instead of a salary
80% of the food is synthetic
Before it was recommended that an adult drink 8 glasses of water a day
Today I’m allowed only half a glass
Scientists perform all types of research and investigations but
There is no solution in sight
We cannot produce water
The government even makes us pay a tax for the air we breathe 137 m 3 per adult per day [31,102 gallons]
The average age is 35
When my daughter asks me to tell her how it was when I was young, I described the beauty of the forests
She asks me:- Daddy! Why is there no water anymore?
I feel a lump in my throat
I can’t help feeling guilty because I belong to the generation that completed the destruction of our environment
This is no game, it is already our reality

Grass...

Woh…Mum got a three-day off. It has been a long time since I spend any time with her. Needless to say, I’m going through a miserable weekend.

On the Saturday morning, mum screamed the whole family to wake up. She wanted us to help her with ‘gardening work’. Omg! It was a damn tough job. Imagine, cleaning up a five feet area full of grass with the endless root underneath. The digging part was pretty tiring. I even had blisters on my palm. I like pulling the roots. My fingernails were all covered with mud and millions of microorganism. Eee…who knows I was actually touching some kind of animals dung? Erm…maybe it is good for skin? Lolx! Anyway, gardening was quite fun rather than reading a History book.

Sunday was ladies’ day- shopped for the whole day (bored)….

Untitled

The post for this week- im now writing in a down, dark and sorrow state. I don't really know why. A day of blue... I can feel my heart crying for no reason. Fustration and nonsences sank in my mind- unabling me to concentrate on whatever is going on. My sixth-sense told me that i may burst into tears anytime after hearing any sad song.


Recently, i watched a movie, 'Secret' by Jay Chou. The movie...i must say...fantastic. Jay was indeed a talented musician. Impressive! The way he plays the piano. I wonder when i will have the ability to play as well as him...lolx. Although i don't really like the ending...which is a bit out from reality, but overall its good.

Tired...

This week wasn't really great or fun. Nothing special going on except Diagnostic Tests everyday. Im going insane soon. By that time, i will need LY's help. Our future physiologist. Haih...so envious those who have ambition. I got no idea what to be in the future. God...please enlighten me to a road that i will not regret. I want a job that is exciting with high pay. Okay, i admit im a bit money-minded, but isn't that everyone hope for? Who will reject money or complain for having too much?

My dad is a problem. I always can't chat with him for long. We just could not reach a same agreement. I say East, he talk West. I want to be this, he want me to be that. So frustrating. Sigh....

Now i don't have to worry for my add maths. Pn Lee will keep a look on me to keep practising add maths exercises. She even forced me to do pass year questions. Marvellous! I need someone like her. When will Pn Cheng do the same thing to me? I will be grateful...lolx!

My wish list

1. Have a career that can make me rich

2. Healthy always

3. Little Earth free from pollution

4. Grow slightly taller

5. Earn 1st half million in 30 years

6. Marry a pilot(cool!)

7. Emigrate to Venice...

Exclusive!

Here is another missy who wanted to be famous through my blog. She is....(drum rolling)...Tharani Naidu. Since you had requested and i don't have any article in mind, so i prepared this post specially for you. Haha! Very touching huh? How much are you going to pay me? You owe me a sumptuous meal. I want Secret Recipe. Lolx.

This girl, studying in Convent- i know her since last year. What a short time. We were in the same class. She and wei wern are best friends. Where you see her, you can surely find wei wern. Really admire you two lar. Different races also can become so close. Lets talk about her character. Erm...can't think of any. As far as i know...she likes to bully me. Sob...sob...Even you are older you can't always bully me. Jie jie should show care for mei mei. She calls me 'parrot'. Then everytime she and wei wern see me, they will whisper to each other and giggle. Am i an alien or i look very comical to you? Okay, fine. Wei wern, you don't know how depress Tharani looked when you are gone. Now after you came back, i see her looking so 'radiant' everyday.

Hm...lastly, wish both of you best friends forever. Do drop me a comment for this!

Time

This is an essay i wrote during exam. Grammar mistakes were corrected... Erm...not a very good essay though.lolx. Just post for fun...

"Tick...tick...tick..." The clock continues its ticks rhythmically non-stop. Humans do not have the ability to halt or freeze time from moving and passing. we could only follow as it goes on. Time can be measured either by second, minute, hour, day, year, decade, century and so on. We humans only can enjoy time by decades. Consequently, time is precious to us.

Some people kill time with tonnes of work, social life, helping others and go round the world. Some of them simply just not bothered the importance of time and live an idle life. Most of the students felt the time given, 24 hours a day, was not enough to spend. Sometimes, how i wish i could invent a time machine to stop and turn back time or 48 hours are given per day. I just simply could not cope with the piles of homework, revisions, activities and exams.

Hence, it is important that we plan our time accordingly and wisely. We should spend time with beneficial work. As a student, we ought to draft out a personal timetable which we could follow. Time for studies, games, sleep and leisure is divided wisely. However, it is quite impossible for us to follow the timetable exactly and consistently. It is always easy to say than do. We need to be diligent enough to follow the timetable. We usually take time for granted without knowing what we had done everyday. For instance, during school holidays, how many students actually really plan their activities with meaningful work? Over a thousands of them, we might only get a handful of those who did. most of them would either spend time watching TV, sleep, eat, playing computer games and reading comics. They would rather spend time with the so called "idiot box" all day long than to read a novel or so some gardening.

Time management is important so that we do not waste time. We must always precious every second that passes through. Time given by God is different for every single living things. There are people who can live up to hundred years while there are others with short lifespan. We can never predict how long we can enjoy in this world. Who knows, we might meet our ancestors today or tomorrow. Life is unpredictable. Hence, we should accomplish our life with meaningful work. We should not be hesitate to do things we want and wish to. If chances are given to fulfill our dream, why not grab them.

Different people have different way to live. They have different perspective views on how they spend their time. Mother Theresa, had chosen to spend her entire life helping those in need. She felt that her time should not be spent for her own good. She never regret on how she spent time for others. doing deeds. In fact, she felt the time given for her was not sufficient to save more lives and children. She devoted her whole lifetime on others. Besides her, Leonardo Da Vinci was another famous man who spent his time wisely. He excelled in almost every field. His time was mainly spent on thinking and improve people's lives. He had made countless inventions and art pieces during his lifetime.

Time waits for no man. Treasure every second and minute to live a more colourful and promising life.

Screwed up

I received my add maths paper today. Everything seemed to screw up. I only managed to get a B. I could have done better. No....it should be better. I lost marks for numerous careless mistakes throughout the paper. The working was correct but ended up with invalid answer. Ah...that is hurting...to lose so many marks. Erm...i think there is no use for me to probe into the matter further. It might cause death to my cells and maybe vessels bursting. What is done cannot be undo. That is the final.
"Hey, Yong Pei Ling, you gotta buck up! Wake up from your dreamy world. Don't drift yourself far away from your target." I really need a vivid change. I must work really hard, study consistently and no more play. The upcoming exam is crucial to me, to my life. My future may depend on it, whether i excel or do moderately well...

Out of rage...

Trial has came to a full stop and here comes the doom moment. Test papers giving ceremony. Haha! Part of history paper was given out. Things happened. Pn. Lim Bee Lee, our history teacher, made me feel so angry and frustrated at her. She asked the girls to check out their marks for paper 2 in front, at her desk. No doubt, it was very cramp front there so some of us decided to go later. After there were no more students, i approached her and requested politely to see my marks. She suddenly snapped at my words. "Tak boleh tengok. I hanya bagi tengok sekali shj. U ingat i ni ada masa nak layan kamu?". I explained my reason to her but failed. Ke Er was being treated the same way too. I swore under my breath and went back to my own place. What the.... She doesn't own the right to treat us like that. So unreasonable! Well, this 'cho lo' teacher....with her character like an auntie, speaking malay and english with numerous grammar mistakes. No one in our class likes her and i have no doubt she too, doesn't like us. She treat different students with different attitudes. So faking....

Who would i hate....

Top 5 'characters' i HaTE the most:-

1. Pretending

2. Dishonest

3. Selfish

4. Arrogant

5. Irresponsible

A novel i read...

I had just finished reading a novel, title is 'When You Go Away' written by Jessica Barksdale Inclan. The novel was quite good. It is all about a mother of three, one of them was severely disabled. Peri was abandoned by her husband, one day reaches the breaking point and does the unthinkable. It was their estranged grandpa, Carl-determined to make up his own parenting failures in the past, who reaches out in unexpected ways. With Peri's fierce determination she won back the right to be a mother, which all made their lives new.

Welcome back wei wern!

What a surprise! Wei wern is back in JB. Ah...miss her so much. Omg! She changed into a lady. Wore a skirt and blouse today. So, now im not gonna be lonely anymore in physics tuition. Know how quiet i was when she transferred to KL? Looking forward to see you in school soon...^.^

Sword in my HanD

Sketched by pei ling- 15th September 2007

Addicted...

I have been more and more addicted to Internet these days. Once started, couldn't stop. Just like returning to the past. Let me think.....should be around form 2 or 3. I remember i was more addicted at that time. IcQ, mSN, FriENDsTer, nEOpeTs....u name it. I played till late night, past midnight. Haa....yesterday was kinda 'shiok'. Chatting with wei wern and yee ser till around 1 a.m.. We even continued the next morning. I don't really understand why we have so much to chat. Girls mar. Hahax! Most of the time we talk craps. Ehem....never ever i heard anyone had serious talk through msn though. Anyway, i enjoyed a lot.

Music keeps me aLive!

Recently, i have been crazy about mUsic. My MP3 player has been my tool of life ever since i bought it. I would bring it anywhere i could. It has been my remedy to reduce stress, pressure, sadness and kill tiMe. I listen mostly to English songs. Chinese still okay but usually i couldn't understand the lyrics. Too profound for me. My most favourite song is 'Heaven Knows' by Daniel Lee, the 'Malaysia Idol'. His voice...ah...so touching, full of power. I was totally captivated by his song, Heaven Knows. Since then, he became one of my idols. Other than him, i listen to avril lavinge, simple plan, maroon 5, YIDA, jay c. and may day. Music is my LIFe!

Happily ever after?

Where did the idea of "happily ever after" come from anyway?
The reality is , life is a blend of happy and sad times, amazing times and not-so-great times. If we can find a way to appreciate the good times, the low times won't seem as bad.

A spoilt day

She went with us today. The "super-saver". The "she" here refers to jia ying. I could just hope she wouldn't browse my blog. Ah, who care if she does? Actually i don't really want her to tail along. I never suggested her at the first place. But since she is kuan shuen and jean friends, i got nothing to say. Know what, everytime i went out with her, i will think of how she made us (ly, yx, ke and me) hate her. I don't think anyone of us could let it go. Not that we are not being magnaninous enough but.... So what happen today.... We went to watch "Naraka 19". She commented on the movie so much. Yeah, she always give bad comments rather than to sugggest beforehand....before we deicide. Then we had lunch...she commented again. 5 bucks for a bowl of noodles, very expensive to her. Okay, fine. May i ask if there is other cheaper place to eat in cs? Funny. Since she wants to save every cents....then don't go out with us. What ks said was true...plkn is most suitable for her. 5 free meals per day plus free accomodation.

I failed!

(Scream) Im in damn bad mood now. Even though i already predicted i would fail after stepping out from then exam room, im still sad, disappointed. In my dictionary, fail rarely exists. I failed my Grade 8 piano practical. Who to blame? Myself of course! For not practising everyday but few times a month, for involving too much in chess club, for being lazy. I can still remember how hard i practise everyday few days before the exam. That time, i was really scared and tension. I played till my hands go weak, my mind nearly went physco. Even my mum was worried at my state. She had been a good support for me. Thanks to her for calling me to make sure i calm myself during exam. I had been such a let down to her...and to myself.Argh...failed...first time though. My skill wasn't that lousy actually. In fact, Mr Lam pinned high hope on me. I even skipped a few grades before. Maybe im too greedy...think too highly of myself. I should take the exam next year. Now im stuck here failing Grade 8. The examiner...haiz... Why don't she give me lower marks. 5 more marks to passing point. So 'gek'. If i were given lower marks then i would not be so sad. "She is just trying to be kind enough".Waa....! REally feel like crying. Why failed? Even for school exam papers i never failed, except for chinese paper lolx(but i did pass for the second time) No appetite....can't sleep....!!!!!!

Weeping in silence...

Bleach- Ichigo

Do you know anyone who is stubborn?

If I were to name one stubborn person in my family, it would have been "me". I've always tried to view my stubbornness as a good thing. After all, a little stubbornness goes a long way when it comes to being up against a challenge. I'm the one who "keeps on keeping on", refusing to say " I can't". But like most things in life, there is a flip side to all of this stubbornness. And the flip side is not so good. Sometimes I am the last person to ask for help when I really need it, let alone accept help from anyone. In my mind, no one thought more of me. If anything, they felt sorry for me.

FiVe staGes of Grief

1. Denial : We don't believe that the loss has happened. Deceiving own self.

2. Anger : We are furious with the person who died, with friends, family ....even the world.

3. Bargaining: We want to bargain with God to go back in time and have things end differently.

4. Depression about the loss : We are numb and sad.

5. Acceptance : We come to accept the loss and stop mourning

Best Friends Ever

How long has it been seen we catch a movie, go red box, hang around in cs...? It must has been more than half a year or so. Leay Ying, Ying Xian, Ke Er and me... we have long time never really talk to each other.Our friendship is like fading with time. I really miss those days, living in our own world, doing stuffs we enjoy. Maybeits because of ME. These months, I had been busying with endless work. Chess Club, Kiwanis stuffs... I am really very tired and fed up with all these... Then, I switched my Physics tuition to Tuesday. Worst, we hardly have any chance to talk, have lunch.... Most of the time I have been joining other friends. Maybe due to Chess Club, Kuan Shuen, Yee Ser and me are getting closer day by day. During holidays, i went to movies with them. I still remember how close we were past few years. We have been best friends...maybe more than that. We did most of the things together. We are the best buddies! We went share happiness, sadness, anger, pressure but never loneliness. Just as long as we are together, no one feels lonely. I has been such a fun. Skipping class, chatting, laughing at nonsences, creating trouble, do all the lame thingy... Our Genting trip was the most memorable moment. I guess you all have the same sentiment, right?This year, I feel something change in myself. I couldn't figure out what it is. Something missing. My true self? Is it because of the environment factor ? I really treasure our special friendship no one else can understand. I just hope we can return to the past...

Check thIs ouT

This girl..., Xin Ying, wanted to fame herself. So, I prepared a column for her. See...how kind of me. Hehex. She is our SM. Jangan main main....
During tuition, we are like parrot. Keep chatting and laughing non stop. We mostly talk nonsense....lame stuffs. Then, we seldom pay attention in add math class. Puan Tan must be fade up with us. Never pay attention and worst of all...didn't pass up homework. So terrible!
Remember ah...next time don't talk so loud. Must control. And....don't be so "deaf" lo. Must drop a comment for this...!

Thanks Wei Wern....

Thanks a lot for helping me with this blogging stuffs. In fact u help me to decorate my background....and music....
Really thanks a lotz......:)

Exams

Exams are going on. Still I am here creating a blog....haih...funny. I got no idea why i start blogging. Maybe too boring or what...haha. Well...the trial exam was bad for me. Two weeks to go!!! Oh my!