The long return....

It’s growing mould here. Sometimes I really hate blogging. During the period when I’m writing what had happened is always pain, so painful that it’s like returning to that moment, so emotional that I ended up crying in the computer room.

Too many things happened this recently. There are joys and sorrows but most of joys are diminished by piles of sorrows. I miss my mum. Very. But sometimes not. I tend to forget her at times. I probably could not continue with my life if I think of her too often. She is a sad story that I hate to read, hate to know. Before I came back, I did not even ask how’s her condition, which means that I do not know whether she can walk or move. I do not believe others words, not even dad. I do not want any illusion from others; I only want to see myself how her condition is.

Honestly, I’m not looking forward of going back home. Probably too scared or maybe you can say I’m a coward. I felt sour when friends around say how they wish to go home, to taste mother’s cooking and stuffs.

Till the second I saw mum, I actually felt relieved. At least she is far better than I thought. She can move, walk and eat. She lost her weight, looking so fragile. Dad too, he looked old and worn out. He did not sleep for at least one month, for the sake of mum. I’m really impressed by his sacrifices. He did everything alone, handling every single matter to his maximum.

“Thanks dad. You’re the best! Sorry that I could not be there when our family meets problem. Thanks for being so strong and hang on till the last minute.”

I felt so useless compared to dad. He did not want me to go back that time to make me feel better. He did not want me to see the worst scene, not wanting me to feel sad. When others are persuading me to go home, only dad is confident that mum will definitely get well. So he felt that it was unnecessary for me to go back.

Mum is physically well now. It’s just that her brain is not functioning well. She needs a person beside to assist her. She could remember almost everything happened in the past.

Through everything that happened, I learned to know which family members are genuine and sincere. I’m no longer a crybaby. I had grown to become stronger…