Finally…I had the courage to write this here. Make it to the public. It is a story as a daughter.

Yesterday has been my most dreadful and devil day. I never cried for so long. Few hours…

I never had a peaceful family since I was born to this world. My dad and mum…always quarrel. Maybe it is common to some people. They could easily say that quarrel symbolizes ‘love’. What kind of bullshits are these? However, I do not accept such situation. I don’t cry when I fell. I don’t cry when I was scolded by the fieriest teacher. I cry when it comes to my family affair. Let me conclude a statistic here. They quarrel at least twice a month.

Quarrels are actually common. Most couples bicker. But things are a bit different here…in my family. Both never realize their mistakes. They never want to change. Mum is a stubborn and hard woman. She would not say sorry if she did nothing wrong. Dad…unreasonable, fierce but coward, stubborn and like to malign people. I am not the perfect one. I am a rebellious daughter who dares to talk back at my dad. But, who knows that actually I am trying to make things halt and try to solve the never ending problem. Perhaps…the methods I used are not right.

For seventeen years, I had seen them scolding each others with bad words (mostly my dad), hits, telling each other to ‘go die off’, ‘no feelings to each other’ and etc. I don’t understand how these words can come off so easily from their mouths. So why do they become couples, get married and made a new life? Recently, I gave up on them. I would happily agree them to divorce. As for me, I would want to follow my mum. Yeah, I love my mum. Too much love that I want to protect her for her whole life. I would never let dad to hit mum. I would rush up to shield my mum when dad flares. I will always side to my mum.

And…I hate my dad. The hatred gets stronger each year…after each quarrel. Our relationship restrains. I hardly speak to my dad five sentences a day. I don’t tell him my feelings either happy or sad. He would never know when I fall sick. I know that he actually dotes on me; giving me everything I need and want. You name it. But he never show cares to me. I need a blissful family. Every time when they quarrel, he would threaten to stop giving us monthly expenses. Who cares? Neither I nor my mum would. What we want is a harmony family where he could show more concern and make an effort to retain the family. Money never buys happiness. Well…he can never understand this concept.

There were a few scenes which I could still remember clearly. Whenever I thought of them, my heart aches. When I was very small, they had a quarrel. Mum was mopping the floor. Then, out of anger…dad poured the pail of water in a bucket for mopping onto the floor. Flood. Then I saw my mum silently dried the ‘very wet floor’. My dad never lifts a finger on housework. He would only complain my mum for doing too much cleaning. Darn… Then there was another incident where dad grabbed mum’s shirt too harshly and her necklace broke. It must be painful at her neck. Anyway, my mum is not an idiot. She too will hit back.

Okay…back to what happen yesterday. The quarrel involves the whole family. Three of us. Bla bla bla….. the reason and contents I don’t think I will mention it here. I ended up crying. That afternoon I had my job interview. It was just an hour before it starts. How am I going to make it? Teary eyes and a very bad mood. Mum wanted to bring me out for lunch before my interview. But my dad...he doesn’t allow mum to drive her car out. Darn… then mum called her friend to pick us. So there went my interview. The chances of being chosen are fairly slim…

Don’t the adults care about their children feelings? Don’t they know it will affect the child
mentally and cause the child to lost faith in certain things? …like marriages, the concept of ‘living happily ever after’ and eternal love. I realize these only exist in fairy tales. If I was given a chance to reborn, I would want to be a farmer’s daughter, living somewhere far away from cities, lead a simple but happy life.