teen_soul

My life?

2008-09-05T06:46:00.000-07:00

I thought I was going to have a lucky day but it ended badly. The day was fine until evening when the electric current was cut off. Usually it worked after we turn on the switch again but now it seemed that the switch was loosen. The “mak guard” tried but failed. Even after the arrival of technician, we were still in dark. Gosh…I still have piles of homework undone and yet… It was around twelve but still no electricity. Well, have to sleep with no fan for whole night. That was not the worst part. Even I covered my ears with pillow; I still hear mosquitoes buzzing around me. Ew…that was the most miserable night I ever had here. When I woke up in the morning my eyes were half closed, yawning the whole day…

I had scars on my legs, from the results of mosquitoes bite, and it all shows when i wear my executive skirt. Speaking of that I had been told off the second time for not wearing 'baju kurung'. Pn Farra...zzz. Its not that i don't want to wear, the fact is I only had three sets before holiday. Besides, only Pn Farra would care about it. So to minimize her ranting I had to wear that during every expreriment. Actually I really hate to wear that malay costume. Whenever I wear it, the possibility of falling is high and I can't walk fast with it.

The skirt I wore which is knee-length enough to cover my knees, I never thought it was too short. It was until few girls said that to me. But anyway, its actually common to those accounts girls, some wore even shorter than me. Science students...and me...JB girl... Most people probably think that I am the kind of rich girl. Ha... And those malay girls in my class especially don't seem to like me. I mean talk to me. They wear those long sleeves and all wrap up clothes while me, sometimes short sleeves and skirt. I am often the left out one, often sitting alone in class...

The long return....

2008-08-18T06:16:00.000-07:00

It’s growing mould here. Sometimes I really hate blogging. During the period when I’m writing what had happened is always pain, so painful that it’s like returning to that moment, so emotional that I ended up crying in the computer room.

Too many things happened this recently. There are joys and sorrows but most of joys are diminished by piles of sorrows. I miss my mum. Very. But sometimes not. I tend to forget her at times. I probably could not continue with my life if I think of her too often. She is a sad story that I hate to read, hate to know. Before I came back, I did not even ask how’s her condition, which means that I do not know whether she can walk or move. I do not believe others words, not even dad. I do not want any illusion from others; I only want to see myself how her condition is.

Honestly, I’m not looking forward of going back home. Probably too scared or maybe you can say I’m a coward. I felt sour when friends around say how they wish to go home, to taste mother’s cooking and stuffs.

Till the second I saw mum, I actually felt relieved. At least she is far better than I thought. She can move, walk and eat. She lost her weight, looking so fragile. Dad too, he looked old and worn out. He did not sleep for at least one month, for the sake of mum. I’m really impressed by his sacrifices. He did everything alone, handling every single matter to his maximum.

“Thanks dad. You’re the best! Sorry that I could not be there when our family meets problem. Thanks for being so strong and hang on till the last minute.”

I felt so useless compared to dad. He did not want me to go back that time to make me feel better. He did not want me to see the worst scene, not wanting me to feel sad. When others are persuading me to go home, only dad is confident that mum will definitely get well. So he felt that it was unnecessary for me to go back.

Mum is physically well now. It’s just that her brain is not functioning well. She needs a person beside to assist her. She could remember almost everything happened in the past.

Through everything that happened, I learned to know which family members are genuine and sincere. I’m no longer a crybaby. I had grown to become stronger…

2008-06-27T23:23:00.000-07:00

My plan to go back eventually diminished after I almost bought a bus ticket home. I called dad saying I might return. He turned out to be quite surprised. Wasn't he the one suggested so? He bla bla bla....saying how mum will disapprove me to go back if she could speak, I can't help much there and stuffs. Hell...Tears rolled down again. "But then I will come and pick you up if you really decided to come back. Everything is up to you. I don't want you to have regrets."

I will probably bring more problems to dad if I go back. He need to work. If I am there...there will be more troubles.

I made up my mind. I will stay.

Then later when I went back to room, dad called again. He said Aunty Yvonne wished to have a talk with me.

She spoke in a very gentle way just like how an adult speak to a three year-old kid.
" Pei Ling, can you hear me?" she asked.
" Yeah." I replied.
" Okay, you know your mum is sick and now lying in hospital right?" she started.
" Hmm..." I answered.
" So what is your decision now?"
My decision? " Dad told me not to go back" I replied.
" Okay, you see...your dad said that because......(forgot exactly what she said)... There are dad, doctor and nurses here. They will take good care of your mummy. And I know your mummy quite well. When I chatted with her, we did talk about this issue, what if she suddenly sick or ill. She said that she will not blame you if you are not by her side."

Again, she made me cried. " Hmm..." I answered. I really don't know what else to say other than that. They ever chat on this issue? Or was it created by herself to make me feel more comfortable? Hey, I am not a kid. But she did make me believed her.

" Your mummy wants you to study hard instead. Don't worry, its just a small case (small case!?). Everything will be fine soon. If anything worsen we will contact you." she said in a soothing voice.
" Hmm...Thanks and bye." I replied.

So there were people there around mum other than dad. What about my aunties? Are they aware of that? Grandmother and uncles? So I am the last to know?

Stroke....Mum got stroke. Grandfather also got stroke and he died of that too. I know about stroke quite well. Commonly, that patient will have an acute facial paresis, arm drift or abnormal speech. Even though he/ she is said to be recovered, but there will still be side effects.

No...no...no...I have to stop thinking about all this...I really hate all this. ....

2008-06-27T22:28:00.000-07:00

I am dreaming...It is obviously a dream, far too ridiculous to be a truth statement. Mum called me again. Before that, I wanted to call her to spread the news that I can CYCLE now. But it wasn't mum who called. It was dad.
"Hello?" I said in a happy voice.
"Erm..." a man voice said (dad). I waited. "Actually your mum is hospitalised. Its already two days. She is now in ICU"
I did expect those words from him but why I know that only after two days? I didn't blame him anyway. "Why?" I asked.
"She suffered from a stroke." he explained in an unbelievable voice. "She is...how would she suffer from that? Your mum is always healthy with no blood pressure problem."
I want to know that more than you...
" What did the doctor says?" I need scientific informations, accurate ones.
" I don't know. He said need to be observed few more days to jump to a conclusion." he replied.
He continued, " I decided to tell you this so that you won't blame me in the future. They said it is better to inform you." They? Who?
I paused for a very long time. Tears were rolling down.
"Hello?" dad's voice. I paused more. " Take it easy, don't worry. See, dad is here. I can handle everything." Really?
" Hmm..." I replied in my calmest voice.
" So you plan to come back?" he asked.
I never thought about this before. Going back JB to visit mum.......?
" I don't know. I think about it first."
" Okay...just call me if you wanna come back. Don't be too worry." and he ended his conversation.

Now, left me alone in my locker accompanied by tears. I sat in my locker. More tears rolling down and I wondered when it will stop. What to do next?

~Love Me for Me~

2008-06-26T19:36:00.000-07:00

I’m not the girl that you see in the magazine

Perfect face and perfect body

Never be anyone but the one I am, one I am

I can’t bend to your expectations

Live to fulfill any fantasy

If what I am is what you need

Love me for me

And not for someone that I would never be

Cause what you get is what you see

And I can’t be any more than what I am

Love me for me or don’t love me

Don’t think you’re gonna change what’s inside of me

Make me who you want me to be

Won’t be someone I’m not for somebody else, someone else

Love me with all my imperfections

Not for an image of your design

Love me for what you see inside

Love me for me

And not for someone that I would never be

Cause what you get is what you see

And I can’t be any more than what I am

Love me for me

And not for someone you wish that I could be

Cause what you get is what you see

And I can’t be any more than what I am

Love me for me or don’t love me

I’d never do anything to change you

Make you be anything than who you are

All that I am is all that I can be

I love you for you

So love me for me,

love me for me

Love Me For Me...

*(This is one of my past fovourite song and I still love it very very much)

2008-06-25T19:20:00.000-07:00

I woke up from my long afternoon nap and climbed up lazily. It was almost six pm. I reached my phone in my locker and found a few miss calls and messages from friends and unknown. Buzz.... My phone rang again. It showed Mum's number. This wasn't the time she would call.
"Hello". Then I heard Dad's voice. "I don't know what is happening to mummy."
"Huh?" I replied. "I don't know..." He sounded a bit frantic which made me feel weak.
Wait... My brain starts to recollect every words he said and branched a few possibilities.

1. Did mum get an accident?

2. Is she in the hospital?

3. She went crazy?

4. You made mum upset?

Non of the possibilities relieve me. I waited again for Dad to continue. "I don't know. She...her legs went straight and.....". I "Huh" again but he still couldn't find the right words to put in phrase. "She is getting better now...nothing much actually. Don't worry." Then he hung up.

WHAT? DON'T WORRY? What the hell is this? Then why are you calling me if it wasn't something serious? I felt weaker than ever. A lone tear rolled down and followed by others as if to accompany the lone. WHAT IS HAPPENING? I NEED MORE DETAILS. I stood there for a moment. Then I decided to refresh myself before calling back again. After a quick bath, I called Dad. "She is getting better. She vomited everything and is okay now." I listened quietly on the other side while he continued. He explained how he found her in static when he came back from work and bla bla bla...took her to clinic, where the doctor said she is OKAY. It still doesn't make sense to me and he ended the conversation with "Don't worry."

That's all? I AM TERRIBLY WORRIED. I sat by the cupboard for a long time, crying.

2008-06-24T01:02:00.000-07:00

Hahaha...So so so funny...Half an hour ago...Our Chemistry lecturer, Pn Farra, threw tantrum. We made her angry actually. Almost the whole class did not finish homework. She said she is going to be very angry. And she did. She took her bag and walked out. Really speechless about her. This is just the first time we did not complete our work and she is already so so so........childish. Lolx...teacher ah...why don't you let me present the tutorial first before you walk out? So sleepy....

CINTA TAK BERSYARAT

2008-06-17T23:32:00.000-07:00

Tak ada sedikit pun sesalku

Telah bertahan dengan setiaku

Walau di akhir jalan

Ku harus melepaskan dirimu

Ternyata tak mampu kau melupa

Dalamnya cintaku yang hebat

Hingga ada alasan

Bagimu untuk tinggalkan setiamu....Oh~

Demi nama cinta

Telahku persembahkan

Hatiku hanya untukmu

Telahku jaga kejujuran

Dalam setiap nafasku

Kerana demi cinta

Telahku relakan

Kecewaku atas ingkarmu

Sebab ku mengerti cinta itu

Tak mesti...memiliki

Andai saja bisa kau fahami

Layaknya erti kasih sejati

Kerana cinta yang sungguh

Tiada akan pernah mungkin

Bersyarat...Oh~

Ternyata tak mampu kau

dalamnya cintaku yang hebat...

Another one

2008-06-17T23:24:00.000-07:00

Argh...Another roommate is leaving. Bored! Now only left two...

Bye Zetty...

2008-06-13T01:08:00.000-07:00

Another blow...

My roommate beside my bed is going to leave soon. She is going to study for diploma, engineering course. It means she will leave me to sleep alone every nights. I don't know whether to be happy or sad but I actually do feel down after hearing the news. It has been quite fun to have her as my roommate and yeah...I called her Zetty, from Kelantan. There is always this kind of things happen when you are just going to get along with someone or get used to something.

Hmm...about her...she is a...quite a nice person to live with. There is this funny thing about her where she will talk in her dream. Haha...but I couldn't figure out what she said though. Then, we always crack unfinished jokes and talk lame everyday. She is the kind easy-going and never make fuss over anything that upset her. And har...she is quite open. She will talk about the guy she likes in her class and sometimes we find her unbelievable.

So sad...she is leaving. Anyway, I hope she made a right choice for her future and bye...

Silent Scream

2008-06-10T21:18:00.000-07:00

Someone told me

Be good there and work hard for your goal

Someone reminded

You're not alone and there is always people who cares for you

Someone said

You're strong just like an amphibian

Someone laugh

You're just being too emotional

Someone whispered

Don't cry silently cause it hurt the most...

Feeling grey

2008-06-09T22:17:00.000-07:00

I hate my class. I hate tutorial. I hate...I hate them all... I don't know what I am hating it but I just hate! I have no good friend in class and I am always alone. Doing things alone and I am always very depress in that particular class. I just feel that I don't belong to there. I somehow belong to the old physics class I am from. Even my name is not in the attendance list. What the....

First of all, I don't mix with the only chinese girl in my class. One reason is simply because I don't really like her. The way she talk and laugh...Oh my god... I can't stand it any longer. WhenI talk something seriously to her she will just 'har' then giggle with no answer. That is not all. I can't understand a thing what she is talking about. Like I am talking to wall. Well...we are humans from different world. The others do have their own group. I would become the odd numbers when they formed groups. There was this English singing activity where I have to join three other guys. Its going to be on next week! Guess what...we are singing 'My Love' by Westlife. Zzz...Okay...whatever it is...will tell more about it if anything "funny" happens...which I hope no.

And don't know why, I sobbed a lot. Yesterday I sobbed twice. First was after listening to 'Broken Vow' by Josh. The other was while reading a novel. My tear gland seems easily to be activated. I am going crazy soon!

Hurray!

2008-06-09T22:13:00.000-07:00

I got into Kakom finally....

No worries for my Koko marks anymore!!!!

what the hxxx....

2008-06-09T21:47:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I really find myself being very silly. There is this morning where I walked to a wrong class. That morning I was very sure that the first period is at kuliah (which means a hall-liked place where over hundred students listen to lecture). Then I walked in just like any other days searching for my friends but I didn't see any. So I just assumed that they came late. I took a seat two rows from the front and funnily there isn't anyone sitting on those two rows. I sensed people staring at me and after a while a Malay girl asked me
"Kamu first intake atau second intake?"
"First intake."
"So kamu baru tukar jurusan?"
"Tak lah...bukan."
"Oh...sebab...dua rows ini untuk lelaki..."
"Sini dah ade orang duduk?" still in a blurr state.
Then after a few seconds my mind clicks...My god...I quickly took my bag and went out. Shit...I should be in tutorial class but not kuliah...

Hell...I wonder how my luck goes...My badminton racket was spoilt by don't-know-who as I lent to many people. And so I can only play tennis for the meanwhile. One morning I went to play tennis alone. There were no people playing there and I was quite phew because it was my first time playing after million years (erm...I am not a god or monster). But there were these football players there for training. When I played, I exerted over force and the ball flew over the wall. I heard laughter almost immediately and when I turned around, I saw three Malay guys there laughing funnily. My godness...I really wish to find a hole and hide....

2008-05-23T23:49:00.000-07:00

Miss you so much........

The chair separated from others.......

The boy longing to go home.........

She is thinking of home.......

The heart left aside.......

Suffocated

2008-05-23T21:44:00.000-07:00

You stirred my life
Without knowing,with no reason
You're full of caffeine
and made me feel drunk and drowsy
You're a witch
who cast a poisonous spell
deep to my frozen heart
It's called "MISS"
Our memories always replay and rewind in my mind
The feeling of touch is still so strong, unwashed
We can only meet in dreamland for the time being

You have become a part of mine
You're the one I care
And you're the one I could feel
Cause we are a special pair of soul mate...

Yahoo..I can blog!!!

2008-05-20T20:21:00.000-07:00

Oh my god...I am so so so excited!!! Okay...for everyone information, I am now in Kolej Matrikulasi Perlis in Arau, somewhere very very far from home, also the furthest place i ever go. I am in the library now and argh...msn and friendster are restricted here... It will show this sucking page with:

Access Denied.
Access control configuration prevents your request from being allowed at this time. Please contact your service provider if you feel this is incorrect...

That is so damn shitting but anyway...I can still blog man....

Wah...I got really damn lot of things to tell here but today I will just make it simple. Firstly, my life here. For the first week of orientation, life is really miserable and and...no idea how to explain. I missed home damn much. Whenever I was free with nothing to do...I will start thinking of home... I finally understand what 'homesick' is now. Being the only child in the family, its really something unacceptable for me to be apart from family and do everything by own. Well...about my hostel here, its...okay actually but of course, no place is better than home. I live with three other Malay girls in a room, two from Kelantan and the other one...I got no idea. Till now, everything is still going smoothly. The bed and pillow is kinda terrible...but argh...no time to care for that. My room is at the first floor and water cooler is at the third floor. So everyday I have to climb climb and climb the stairs. Studying here really needs a lot of walking especially school time where almost every hour you have to walk to different places to attend another class. My class is a mundane thingy. Boring!

The only thing I like about Perlis is the air. Ever since I came here, my nose allergy has stopped. The bad thing about here is Perlis is way to 'ulu' compared to JB. The town in Perlis, known as Kangar is...oh my god... The only shopping centre there is 'The Store' and 'Aneka' and the most luxurious restaurant is KFC. It takes about twenty-minutes to reach Kangar from Arau and our outing day is on Sat and Sun where we have to be back before seven pm.

Okay, talking about new friends, I did made a few. The few I always stick to are Shu Xian, Zhi Mei and Sock Jin. They three were from MRSM. Thank god that they let me join them eating, chatting and stuffs...We do have great time together and hopefully we can become best friends.

After a week being here, I begin to enjoy the life here instead. Alright, that's all for today and I will definitely blog more in the future!

TAG 2

2008-05-09T04:19:00.000-07:00

1. At what age do you wish to marry?
>>> Er…I have not really think about it…maybe around 26?

2. If you have the chance, what would you probably say to your beloved one?
>>> I love you. I will love you forever. I will love you as long as I live. I will still love you even you stop loving me.

3. Which is your favorite song?
>>> Heaven Knows

4. Where is the place that you want to go the most?
>>> Venice!!!

5. If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?
>>> To get a lifetime happiness

6. Do you believe you can survive without money?
>>> Obviously not

7. What are you afraid to lose the most?
>>> My true self

8. If you win $1 million, what would you do?
>>> Er....lots of things....Hee...

9. If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
>>> Probably no

10. List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you.
>>> Intelligent, funny, interesting

11. What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
>>> Erm…a gentleman, caring, thoughtful and man enough

12. Which type of person do you hate the most?
>>> Pretender

13. What is your ambition?
>>> To be an anaesthetist. I can take a rest while the surgeons do the operation

14. What is the thing that will make you think he/she is bad?
>>> People who ever hurt me

15. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
>>> Er…Sleeping…

16. Are you a shopaholic or not?
>>> Not really. I only buy things that I need

17. If you have a chance, which part of your character you would like to change?
>>> My carelessness which caused me a lot of problems

18. Who is the person that you can share all your problems with?
>>> All problems? God

19. What makes you different?
>>> My name, lameness and silliness

20. Have you done any crimes?
>>> Basically I am a good citizen

I tag
>> Nicole
>> Yee Ser
>> Ther Ther
>> Scorpteen

TAG!

2008-05-06T05:48:00.000-07:00

TAG 1

5 things I was doing 10 years ago (1998)?
>>> I remember I had many Indian and Malay friends during my Primary days
>>> I remember I didn’t attend class everyday but hiding somewhere else in the school instead till teacher called me back to class. I topped the class and that’s why teachers were speechless about my behavior. (kind of promoting myself here…)
>>> I remember I am not a talkative girl till I study in Convent
>>> I remember I used to be bullied by those Indian and Malay guys in Primary school
>>> I remember I was a very very shy girl before this

5 things on my to-do list today.

>>> Wash all the cups and dishes
>>> Fold the clothes
>>> Flip through Straits Time
>>> Watch “Sky of Love”. Hee…
>>> Get home before my mum does (Proudly did so)

5 Snacks I enjoy

>>> Chocolate (except dark choc)
>>> Mash potatoes especially from KFC
>>> Fries
>>> Potato chips
>>> Green peas

5 Things I would do if I were a billionaire

>>> Immediately migrate to Venice and build a lovely house there and live with my love one
>>> Travel around the world of course
>>> Do investments to get richer. Yea…I am greedy
>>> Buy this and that… use bird nest to wash my face everyday
>>> Donate to the poor. I am not boasting

5 of my bad habits

>>> I am damn damn lazy
>>> Damn stubborn and playful also
>>> Like to ‘kacau’ friends
>>> Super lame…Erm…should be a good habit instead cause I bring laughter to people…Zzz
>>> I like to do things at the last minute

5 places I have lived
>>> Century Garden
>>> Permas Jaya
>>> Hotels? For holidays….Counted? whatever la
>>> Er…Earth
>>> and Malaysia

5 jobs I've had

>>> Promoter and cashier in my Uncle’s shop
>>> Auditor at YS’s mum’s audit firm
>>> Promoter at Wern’s aunt’s chocolate shop
>>> Daily assistant for Mum
>>> Student…Hate this job a lot because I never get paid

5 people I tag

>>> Yee Ser
>>> Ther Ther
>>> Scorpteen
>>> Nicole…can I tag u back? Whatever la…
>>> Whoever...

Bye...Mum & Dad

2008-04-28T06:56:00.000-07:00

My dream finally comes true…

I have always envied my cousin, Zhi Hong, to able enter local Matriculation. Now, God realized my dream! I am the one of the 10% non-bumiputras who got selected for Matriculation!!! I am sooooo lucky…..

Nah…I don’t think so. I am also the most unlucky one to get a place as far as Perlis. God...From the south-est part to the north-est part of Malaysia! All alone…no relatives, no friends. After much consideration, this and that, Dad said “It’s a rare opportunity… Go for it.” Hence, the decision is made.

I will be leaving…on the twelfth May…er…should be eleventh…and now I still left about…two weeks time. This is my first time leaving home to such a far place. I will certainly, surely, definitely miss my parents a lot. Mum’s cooking, her super lame jokes, her nagging, complaining, questions, requests and all. Dad’s cold jokes, his ‘never want to listen’ nagging, over concerning and bla bla bla. Maybe I should be happy instead. After I gone, I won’t be able to hear them quarreling and shouting to each other, saving my tears for them. Haha?

Till this moment, I still couldn’t feel any reality about going Perlis. It doesn’t seem real at all. I can’t believe myself living with three other Malays (total strangers) in one room, waking up myself, no ready breakfast and importantly, no more nagging.

I find Mum behaving weirdly these days. Probably because couldn’t bear me to go Perlis. She has been continuously cracking lame jokes which are not funny at all. She said these,

“After you gone to Perlis, I can turn on the TV loudly, but I will fix the antenna first to able to watch Channel 8.”

“After you leave, I will sing karaoke everyday…loudly.”

“After you leave, no one will help me to pass the thread through needle hole.”

And I just answered her with....”Haha…Yea right, zzz.”

In fact, I do worry a lot about Mum. All these while, she has been relying on me for her daily life. Little things like reading those small numbers on cards, translating words, charging her phone, reloading, reading messages, taking out her specs while she is driving, checking out for signboards, reminding her not to speed on highways and lots more…

Ma…please take care when I am not by your side. I will do my best there…love you always…

date i was BoRN

2008-04-18T06:17:00.000-07:00

I am turning 18!!! 18 means I can drink beers. 18 also means I need to grow mature, no more being like a child cause I am already a grown up! Haha…

Twelve struck. Phone rang. Leay Ying made a call all the way from Subang to sing me a birthday song. It was really surprising and touching. Felt that we were back to the past. I could sense the warmth and laughter from their apartment. Everyone there took turn to wish me Happy Birthday, Ke Er, Ying Xian, Huei Ling, Asther and Wei Han. I really miss all of you there. Sometimes I envy very much that LY, KE and YX could be there together. Convent life…I will never forget.

Then I received few messages from friends here and there and there was one special one. Jasmine sent her wishes all the way from Melbourne and Wern from Perth.

Night time, my parents and I went out for dinner. Sort of memorable to have meal together and there might be less chance in the future. Mum and Dad had this silly argument about my date of birth which made me laugh till tears dropped. Lolx! Dad said that I should be considered younger than my cousin as I was born two months earlier. Mum did not agree with that. And there goes their silly arguments. Then they told me that I was only 1.9kg when I was born, very tiny. Dad said that my nanny laughed at my size and said “Look at her leg, does it looks like a drumstick?” My god…how can she… Mum said that the nanny fed me with only little milk. Does that explain my height now? I heard that I was abused at that time and my parents knew that when my nanny’s neighbor complained to them that she took off my clothes and put me under no roof whenever I cried. I am really speechless about her.

Whatever it is, 17th April 2008 is a happy day for me and I am fully contented…

2008-04-01T22:36:00.000-07:00

These five days had been memorable and inspiring. The first few days I shall not explain more because were almost the same. We went to few clinics and we meet all kinds of doctors and specialists. Most of them or I should say 99% of them told us the same words like doctors’ job is not easy, think twice or you might regret and etc. I could even sing their advice.

Okay, before that I should make an introduction. There were altogether 71 people and we were divided into 7 groups, 10 people in mine. Four Malay guys and one of them, Mohammad, was our group leader. He is…erm…nothing much about him. Other three more Malays I really do not know about them except I heard one was a ‘tentera’ and he really wears a pair of shinny shoes. Then, we have Simbran, a Sikh, as our vice leader. He is damn tall, 185++cm. I will strain my neck talking to him. Haha, the ‘milkman’. Next was Mian Jie, the only one I know before the program and also the second tallest guy in my group. Ching Fang, a girl from SSI, an Indian and Malay girl were all in my team.

On the second day, we went to Forensic department. It was a small place like a house. I don’t really feel that scared as I had heard from other group that we won’t be able to see any dead faces or any other part of the dead bodies. Then, we went in and a female forensic doctor explained the procedure and her experience there. First, we went to a room with three ‘just dead bodies’ lying there…unmoved (of course can’t move la). All were covered with white clothes but I could see one with long hair and the other one leg sticking out, uncovered. Then, a man there opened a fridge full of dead babies. Ew…the smell is damn terrible. I couldn’t describe how awful it was. Next was something that we all “expecting” to see. Before this, I often see on TV where the dead bodies are placed in like fridges. There were altogether 12 doors and the man there opened one of it. He zipped open the plastic bag and there were all skull and bones inside. Then, he opened the other one and it was a man inside. The image is still very clear in my mind. The trip to forensic department was interesting as it was unusual.

Another memorable time in the hospital was the on-call duty. The five of us, Ching Fang, Yee Ser, Mian Jie, ‘a girl with don’t know what name’ and me volunteered to attach to a houseman for whole night. The houseman is a young Malay lady, Dr Hasda. After our dinner, we went to A & E (emergency department). I really learnt a lot there. Within few hours, I witnessed three life taking cases. One of them was slaughtered at the brain by someone and the doctor informed his family members that he can’t survived. If I was not mistaken it was his mother… crying loudly and screaming to wake him up. She shouted in Cantonese “Why do you involved in fight…Why don’t slaughter me instead…” I almost had my tears around the eyes. The other one was a ninety something year old granny who couldn’t hold on till that night. Her grandson was driving her in a lorry and they met an accident. Her grandson has only slight injury. He was crying bitterly there, sort of like blaming himself. The third one was announced dead not long after sent to the hospital.

There was another case which is a bit… The victim is a Chinese middle-age man. He tried to commit suicide by cutting his wrist but his injury wasn’t that serious when he was brought into the hospital. The reason to commit suicide was because of a girl he loves. My god… He was physically alright but mentally dead. He doesn’t want to open his eyes or move, no matter how the doctor did.

It was around twelve when we returned to the surgical ward. A general surgeon spoke to us about doctor’s life again. Then he arranged us to see an operation. The doctor in charge of the surgery is a young lady, Dr Tan. I really admired her ability. Within our stay there, an Australian anesthetist explained that was a hernia operation.

Around one or two in the morning, we went to A & E again. There were still a few patients there and most of them had fractures due to accidents. Then we were all really sleepy and exhausted and went back to surgical ward. I could not sleep as I became hyperactive after a cup of Nescafe.

Then, in the morning, we continued our program…and bla bla bla…

Question with no Answer

2008-03-24T05:47:00.000-07:00

So it wasn’t real after all. My childhood dreams to step on Australia soil shattered. Air ticket and everything are prepared. The only thing I need to do is to wait for three more days and there I am in Melbourne.

"JPA or Melbourne…?
JPA OR Melbourne….?
JPA? Melbourne?"

JPA! “Future is more important!” Everyone will tell me this, including myself.

There you fly 2700++ bucks of ticket money… I really don’t know whether to cry or laugh. Cry because of disappointment. Laugh because I have gone mad. If the interview went all wrong I would definitely bang the hardest wall in the world.

Today is the first day of the whatever program the JPA organized to give exposure to those who wants to be a doctor. Doctor… Sounds really great huh. Any parents who does not want their children to be a doctor? Since I was a kid, I told mum, grandparents, uncles and aunties that I want to grow up to be a doctor. But why none of them ask me “my reason to be a doctor”?

I try to figure out the answer the whole day. I asked a few people who took part in the program and they replied me “I wouldn’t change my mind already because I am really interested in medicine”. But why I want to be a doctor? To save lives? Bullshits! If the career of medicine has very low salary, would I ever consider being a doctor? I really felt silly compared to other people who have their reasons to be here. Do I belong to here?

Past the Gate of Hell....

2008-03-15T20:45:00.000-07:00

Finally over...the nightmares were only tales, wasting all my sweat and millions of cells. I can breathe at last. Straight As’, kind of unbelievable! What I expected was at least a B for History, I really did badly for that. Though I thought I did quite well for EST and Moral but *sigh. Whatever it is, I should be happy with my results. Thank god…my Biology did achieve an A1. Efforts not wasted though. My, I can still sensed how boring and vomiting I studied during the days before SPM. I have learnt my lesson not to study during the last minute. It’s really struggling and tired by staying back to do group study and stuffs everyday.

During that historical moment (as if), mum wasn’t with me. I still remember when I collect my PMR results, mum went with me. I ended up crying, don’t know why.

After calling mum, I sms-ed dad since he was in Vietnam. To my surprise, he replied “Excellent. Congrates. Haha :). And well done.” That was kind of touching.

Hmm…my feelings after collecting SPM results:

1. Numb
2. Satisfied
3. Relieved
4. Released…!

Anyway, this is just a beginning. The road is still way too far to walk to the junction of success. Buck up, Pei Ling!

Bla bla bla....

2008-03-15T06:59:00.000-07:00

" I'm not the type to get my heart broken
I'm not the type to easily get upset and cry
Cause I never leave my heart open
Never hurts me to say goodbye
Relationships don't get deep to me
Never got the whole in love thing
And someone can say they love me truly
But at the time it didn't mean a thing
My mind is gone, I'm spinning round
And deep inside, my tears I'll drown
I'm losing grip, what's happening”

s e c r e t s . . .

2008-03-05T04:02:00.000-08:00

Everyone has secrets. Here are a few random secrets of mine:

1. I used milk bottle instead of mug till I was in Primary 4.
2. I feel inferior talking to people taller than me.
3. I signed my school report cards myself twice.
4. I’m scared of playing sea-saw. It makes my heart jump.
5. I can’t remember my daddy’s birthday-only knows it is somewhere around November.
6. I don’t brush my teeth when I was small.
7. My gang and I took the whole roll of white strings from Science Laboratory to make Woo- doo dolls. We also took quite an amount of litmus and universal indicator papers to play.
8. I would bring handkerchief to school everyday (like ancient people).
9. Actually I only vouch about 40% of the ledgers in which the remainder I just ticked without checking.
10. My parents never know I have a blog…

2008-03-02T05:28:00.000-08:00

I have put a pause to my thinking. I got to be back on track as soon as possible though it is hard to do so. Either it is a coma or full stop, only heaven knows.

Things really go a bit wrong here and there. I was having terrible flu the whole day in the office and work like a corpse. Lunch hour I went and eat alone at the nearest restaurant. I didn’t bring along my hand phone. When I went back I saw a message from SP asking where I am. Hell, I didn’t know I was supposed to have lunch with her and I made her waited for so long. Gosh, I am really going to be killed very soon.

Recently I just received my salary. My feelings…nothing much, quite happy, not trilling but satisfied. Someone asked me to write about this and my feelings receiving salary but I really don’t know how to express it.

And so, I bought a magic cube (the one with many colour, sort of a puzzle thingy). Up to now I can only solve one side. It is too difficult for me. I doubt I have the IQ and I admit the truth.
Saturday afternoon, went out with YS and SJ. SJ still the same like before, talking all the ’shit’ things while people having lunch. I almost puke out the food.

I like this phrase said by a sales assistant in the Body Shop. “Thank you for saving the environment”. Finally, I saw some awareness for being environmental friendly. How great it would be if every shop applies that.

School holidays going to start soon. Friends are coming back! Great! Really miss you guys. And here is some hilarious story about a friend, Jasmine (Xin Ying) studying in Australia.

P.S. For everyone’s information Xin Ying has a new name now. Haha, don’t laugh okay? Lolx!

“She stayed in school campus and usually in other country you need to go to the ‘laundry room’ to wash clothes and dry them…and you have to pay. So one day she went to the laundry room to get her clothes washed. The problem is that she doesn’t have enough coins and she saw a machine on the wall which looked like a coins changing machine. At that time a black man was there to wash clothes also. So she asked the man how to use that machine and he taught her how and how. But, in the end…she found out they both were talking about two different matters. He told her that the machine was used to buy ‘condoms’! “

2008-02-15T07:25:00.000-08:00

This Chinese New Year was a tiring one. My family and aunt’s family went for a ‘holiday’ in Genting and I ended up looking after two little cousins. The elder was terribly little devil while the other sticks to me like a glue. Gosh… It was a heck…

I took leave for almost eight days. Though, I did not really have time to rest. After one day back from Batu Pahat, I received a msg from Wei Wern to work at her aunt’s choc shop for Valentine’s promotion. I still remember the msg was sent around midnight. I felt that it would be bored to stay at home so agreed to it.

That day was Wei Wern’s birthday so she came late. I was so awkward at first because I don’t know a single person there. I think I really looked silly there. Then gradually I began to familiarize the price and things sold there. It was actually a new experience to work there and I learnt quite a lot. Selling things wasn’t really a challenge but it was tough to answer some customer questions. A few girls asked me what presents to give to their boyfriends. I turned speechless. How would I know… and I had to consult the guys working there. One of them was Andy. A really out fashioned name. Anyway, he is a cute guy and looks around twenty something but actually only seventeen. I couldn’t believe that he bought a giant Mashimaro for his becoming girlfriend. The girl must be shocking. Then we soon became friends and he even told me the content of his valentine’s card sticking to a Rocher rose. I don’t really remember what he said but it was not really mushy.

These three days I had seen different kinds of weird people. My conclusion is Indians spend the most followed by Chinese and Malays. Those ‘ah bengs’ and ‘ah sengs’ are more romantic. Hahax! I told my mum this, she laughed and said “Next time u go marry ah beng.”

People nowadays are damn rich. They could afford 99 and 50 roses of Rocher and those giant bears. Then there was this Malay guy called Ashraff working at Cathay cinema (saw by his name tag) secretly in love with a girl working in the Samsung shop. He bought a fresh rose, a card and requested us to send it to the girl. His hp number was written and he added a word “Dunia Baru” inside.

On the second day, Wei Wern told me his brother got chicken pox and I remembered I touch his tummy. Omg! I never had chicken pox. Then Wei Wern kept touching me…Devil…

Wei Wern’s mum is an interesting woman or I should call ‘teacher’. She cracked those dirty jokes in front of kids and teenagers. The lollipop stick one was funny. Such a huge stick like a… Okay no dirty thingy here.

Valentine’s day was the busiest day and I only ate two breads for lunch. My legs were aching like hell. I wanted to die. Fourteen of February is also my mum’s birthday. So romantic… This year I bought a present for her. I never bought her anything before, not even a card. I took an hour leave and went to Kerry’s. I bought a set of perfume. It costs me hundred and seventy bucks. Together with that I gave her a heart shape balloon which was given by Andy. Wei Wern received one too. Hahax! Sort of funny to receive it since it was our first gift on Valentine’s Day. Sadly, the balloon burst and shocked my mum. My mum was so happy for the present and I think she almost cried.

First Valentine's gift from Andy...(Free one actually)

Valentine's card specially from Wei Wern...

New liFe

2008-01-26T21:31:00.000-08:00

So damn long didn’t post a blog…and there is so many things happened recently…

I got myself a job. As an accountant… Haha, I never thought I would take up such…job. I have always hate accounts and I never did well in that subject. Main reason should be I didn’t like my KH teacher a bit. She made the subject so difficult to understand and dull… But now…I am here at YS’s mum company as an accountant. Till now…I still kinda confused with the word ‘debit’ and ‘credit’. Very funny huh? Basically I just follow any instruction from my ‘malay sifu’ and do what I can. She is a nice person by the way. This job…is really and absolutely boring. Just coop up in an office and play with numbers everyday. No fun, no chatting, no excitement, only looked forward to 1 and 5 o’clock which are my refreshment and knock off time. Lolx. Anyway, it is just a part time job to kill time and I did learn something there besides than earning some pocket money.

Then somewhere around Dec we had a class party at Pn Mary’s house. Sadly to say, only half of them went. My gang all went except that loa ling. If YX or LY saw this blog please ask her to see this. Hahax!
Especially for lao ling:
You…!Class party didn’t come I can still forgive. Nah, our last gang gathering also didn’t come. Call you never pick up. Message you never reply. Wait till you come back this holiday… I am going to fix you. Lolx!

I really looked forward the day you all come back. And yeah… I didn’t really celebrate for SP cause since you all are not here, I don’t know how to plan for it.

2007-12-21T06:56:00.000-08:00

Finally…I had the courage to write this here. Make it to the public. It is a story as a daughter.

Yesterday has been my most dreadful and devil day. I never cried for so long. Few hours…

I never had a peaceful family since I was born to this world. My dad and mum…always quarrel. Maybe it is common to some people. They could easily say that quarrel symbolizes ‘love’. What kind of bullshits are these? However, I do not accept such situation. I don’t cry when I fell. I don’t cry when I was scolded by the fieriest teacher. I cry when it comes to my family affair. Let me conclude a statistic here. They quarrel at least twice a month.

Quarrels are actually common. Most couples bicker. But things are a bit different here…in my family. Both never realize their mistakes. They never want to change. Mum is a stubborn and hard woman. She would not say sorry if she did nothing wrong. Dad…unreasonable, fierce but coward, stubborn and like to malign people. I am not the perfect one. I am a rebellious daughter who dares to talk back at my dad. But, who knows that actually I am trying to make things halt and try to solve the never ending problem. Perhaps…the methods I used are not right.

For seventeen years, I had seen them scolding each others with bad words (mostly my dad), hits, telling each other to ‘go die off’, ‘no feelings to each other’ and etc. I don’t understand how these words can come off so easily from their mouths. So why do they become couples, get married and made a new life? Recently, I gave up on them. I would happily agree them to divorce. As for me, I would want to follow my mum. Yeah, I love my mum. Too much love that I want to protect her for her whole life. I would never let dad to hit mum. I would rush up to shield my mum when dad flares. I will always side to my mum.

And…I hate my dad. The hatred gets stronger each year…after each quarrel. Our relationship restrains. I hardly speak to my dad five sentences a day. I don’t tell him my feelings either happy or sad. He would never know when I fall sick. I know that he actually dotes on me; giving me everything I need and want. You name it. But he never show cares to me. I need a blissful family. Every time when they quarrel, he would threaten to stop giving us monthly expenses. Who cares? Neither I nor my mum would. What we want is a harmony family where he could show more concern and make an effort to retain the family. Money never buys happiness. Well…he can never understand this concept.

There were a few scenes which I could still remember clearly. Whenever I thought of them, my heart aches. When I was very small, they had a quarrel. Mum was mopping the floor. Then, out of anger…dad poured the pail of water in a bucket for mopping onto the floor. Flood. Then I saw my mum silently dried the ‘very wet floor’. My dad never lifts a finger on housework. He would only complain my mum for doing too much cleaning. Darn… Then there was another incident where dad grabbed mum’s shirt too harshly and her necklace broke. It must be painful at her neck. Anyway, my mum is not an idiot. She too will hit back.

Okay…back to what happen yesterday. The quarrel involves the whole family. Three of us. Bla bla bla….. the reason and contents I don’t think I will mention it here. I ended up crying. That afternoon I had my job interview. It was just an hour before it starts. How am I going to make it? Teary eyes and a very bad mood. Mum wanted to bring me out for lunch before my interview. But my dad...he doesn’t allow mum to drive her car out. Darn… then mum called her friend to pick us. So there went my interview. The chances of being chosen are fairly slim…

Don’t the adults care about their children feelings? Don’t they know it will affect the child
mentally and cause the child to lost faith in certain things? …like marriages, the concept of ‘living happily ever after’ and eternal love. I realize these only exist in fairy tales. If I was given a chance to reborn, I would want to be a farmer’s daughter, living somewhere far away from cities, lead a simple but happy life.

SPM over~

2007-11-29T19:26:00.000-08:00

It is over. Finally everything is over. No more stress but left me a pile of worries. Frankly speaking, I am having nightmares everyday since SPM is over. It is either I got a D for my subjects or answered wrongly.

It has been quite a while since I stop blogging and I even have the intention to stop forever, close my blog. But somehow I regain my interest…so I think I will just keep on blogging…

The period I was having SPM was sucks. So I don’t think I want to even mention it here. All is about stress and stress. Argh…. So, this year I am leaving Convent forever. Erm…I should be specific that I am leaving my friends…my best friends, especially Leay Ying, Ying Xian, Shin Puay and Ke Er. Sob…I am going to miss you all. Certainly. I wonder when we can meet again. At your wedding dinner? Okay I am looking forward to see each of you having what kind of husband.

Time is passing damn slowly. I still got six months to go. How am I going to survive? It is totally bored at home!

A letter from year 2070

2007-10-18T23:37:00.001-07:00

We are in the year 2070
I just turned 50 years, but I looked 85
I experience major kidney problems, because I drink very little water
I think that I don’t have much more time to live
Today I’m the oldest person living in this society
I remember when I was 5 years old, everything was very different
There were lots of trees in the parks and
I could enjoy long bathes and stay in the shower for one whole hour
Now we have to clean ourselves by using disposable towelettes moisturized with mineral oil
Before women were proud of their beautiful hair
Now we have to shave our heads to keep it clean without using water
I remember the many warnings ‘DON’T WATSE WATER’
But nobody paid attention
People assumed that water was unlimited
Industry is now paralyzed and jobless rate reached a dramatic level
Desalination plants are the main employers
They give the drinking water instead of a salary
80% of the food is synthetic
Before it was recommended that an adult drink 8 glasses of water a day
Today I’m allowed only half a glass
Scientists perform all types of research and investigations but
There is no solution in sight
We cannot produce water
The government even makes us pay a tax for the air we breathe 137 m 3 per adult per day [31,102 gallons]
The average age is 35
When my daughter asks me to tell her how it was when I was young, I described the beauty of the forests
She asks me:- Daddy! Why is there no water anymore?
I feel a lump in my throat
I can’t help feeling guilty because I belong to the generation that completed the destruction of our environment
This is no game, it is already our reality

Grass...

2007-10-14T08:24:00.000-07:00

Woh…Mum got a three-day off. It has been a long time since I spend any time with her. Needless to say, I’m going through a miserable weekend.

On the Saturday morning, mum screamed the whole family to wake up. She wanted us to help her with ‘gardening work’. Omg! It was a damn tough job. Imagine, cleaning up a five feet area full of grass with the endless root underneath. The digging part was pretty tiring. I even had blisters on my palm. I like pulling the roots. My fingernails were all covered with mud and millions of microorganism. Eee…who knows I was actually touching some kind of animals dung? Erm…maybe it is good for skin? Lolx! Anyway, gardening was quite fun rather than reading a History book.

Sunday was ladies’ day- shopped for the whole day (bored)….

Untitled

2007-10-05T05:01:00.000-07:00

The post for this week- im now writing in a down, dark and sorrow state. I don't really know why. A day of blue... I can feel my heart crying for no reason. Fustration and nonsences sank in my mind- unabling me to concentrate on whatever is going on. My sixth-sense told me that i may burst into tears anytime after hearing any sad song.

Recently, i watched a movie, 'Secret' by Jay Chou. The movie...i must say...fantastic. Jay was indeed a talented musician. Impressive! The way he plays the piano. I wonder when i will have the ability to play as well as him...lolx. Although i don't really like the ending...which is a bit out from reality, but overall its good.

Tired...

2007-09-29T07:02:00.000-07:00

This week wasn't really great or fun. Nothing special going on except Diagnostic Tests everyday. Im going insane soon. By that time, i will need LY's help. Our future physiologist. Haih...so envious those who have ambition. I got no idea what to be in the future. God...please enlighten me to a road that i will not regret. I want a job that is exciting with high pay. Okay, i admit im a bit money-minded, but isn't that everyone hope for? Who will reject money or complain for having too much?

My dad is a problem. I always can't chat with him for long. We just could not reach a same agreement. I say East, he talk West. I want to be this, he want me to be that. So frustrating. Sigh....

Now i don't have to worry for my add maths. Pn Lee will keep a look on me to keep practising add maths exercises. She even forced me to do pass year questions. Marvellous! I need someone like her. When will Pn Cheng do the same thing to me? I will be grateful...lolx!

My wish list

2007-09-27T05:28:00.000-07:00

1. Have a career that can make me rich

2. Healthy always

3. Little Earth free from pollution

4. Grow slightly taller

5. Earn 1st half million in 30 years

6. Marry a pilot(cool!)

7. Emigrate to Venice...

Exclusive!

2007-09-23T04:38:00.000-07:00

Here is another missy who wanted to be famous through my blog. She is....(drum rolling)...Tharani Naidu. Since you had requested and i don't have any article in mind, so i prepared this post specially for you. Haha! Very touching huh? How much are you going to pay me? You owe me a sumptuous meal. I want Secret Recipe. Lolx.

This girl, studying in Convent- i know her since last year. What a short time. We were in the same class. She and wei wern are best friends. Where you see her, you can surely find wei wern. Really admire you two lar. Different races also can become so close. Lets talk about her character. Erm...can't think of any. As far as i know...she likes to bully me. Sob...sob...Even you are older you can't always bully me. Jie jie should show care for mei mei. She calls me 'parrot'. Then everytime she and wei wern see me, they will whisper to each other and giggle. Am i an alien or i look very comical to you? Okay, fine. Wei wern, you don't know how depress Tharani looked when you are gone. Now after you came back, i see her looking so 'radiant' everyday.

Hm...lastly, wish both of you best friends forever. Do drop me a comment for this!

Time

2007-09-20T07:48:00.000-07:00

This is an essay i wrote during exam. Grammar mistakes were corrected... Erm...not a very good essay though.lolx. Just post for fun...

"Tick...tick...tick..." The clock continues its ticks rhythmically non-stop. Humans do not have the ability to halt or freeze time from moving and passing. we could only follow as it goes on. Time can be measured either by second, minute, hour, day, year, decade, century and so on. We humans only can enjoy time by decades. Consequently, time is precious to us.

Some people kill time with tonnes of work, social life, helping others and go round the world. Some of them simply just not bothered the importance of time and live an idle life. Most of the students felt the time given, 24 hours a day, was not enough to spend. Sometimes, how i wish i could invent a time machine to stop and turn back time or 48 hours are given per day. I just simply could not cope with the piles of homework, revisions, activities and exams.

Hence, it is important that we plan our time accordingly and wisely. We should spend time with beneficial work. As a student, we ought to draft out a personal timetable which we could follow. Time for studies, games, sleep and leisure is divided wisely. However, it is quite impossible for us to follow the timetable exactly and consistently. It is always easy to say than do. We need to be diligent enough to follow the timetable. We usually take time for granted without knowing what we had done everyday. For instance, during school holidays, how many students actually really plan their activities with meaningful work? Over a thousands of them, we might only get a handful of those who did. most of them would either spend time watching TV, sleep, eat, playing computer games and reading comics. They would rather spend time with the so called "idiot box" all day long than to read a novel or so some gardening.

Time management is important so that we do not waste time. We must always precious every second that passes through. Time given by God is different for every single living things. There are people who can live up to hundred years while there are others with short lifespan. We can never predict how long we can enjoy in this world. Who knows, we might meet our ancestors today or tomorrow. Life is unpredictable. Hence, we should accomplish our life with meaningful work. We should not be hesitate to do things we want and wish to. If chances are given to fulfill our dream, why not grab them.

Different people have different way to live. They have different perspective views on how they spend their time. Mother Theresa, had chosen to spend her entire life helping those in need. She felt that her time should not be spent for her own good. She never regret on how she spent time for others. doing deeds. In fact, she felt the time given for her was not sufficient to save more lives and children. She devoted her whole lifetime on others. Besides her, Leonardo Da Vinci was another famous man who spent his time wisely. He excelled in almost every field. His time was mainly spent on thinking and improve people's lives. He had made countless inventions and art pieces during his lifetime.

Time waits for no man. Treasure every second and minute to live a more colourful and promising life.

Screwed up

2007-09-19T05:06:00.000-07:00

I received my add maths paper today. Everything seemed to screw up. I only managed to get a B. I could have done better. No....it should be better. I lost marks for numerous careless mistakes throughout the paper. The working was correct but ended up with invalid answer. Ah...that is hurting...to lose so many marks. Erm...i think there is no use for me to probe into the matter further. It might cause death to my cells and maybe vessels bursting. What is done cannot be undo. That is the final.
"Hey, Yong Pei Ling, you gotta buck up! Wake up from your dreamy world. Don't drift yourself far away from your target." I really need a vivid change. I must work really hard, study consistently and no more play. The upcoming exam is crucial to me, to my life. My future may depend on it, whether i excel or do moderately well...

Out of rage...

2007-09-19T05:02:00.000-07:00

Trial has came to a full stop and here comes the doom moment. Test papers giving ceremony. Haha! Part of history paper was given out. Things happened. Pn. Lim Bee Lee, our history teacher, made me feel so angry and frustrated at her. She asked the girls to check out their marks for paper 2 in front, at her desk. No doubt, it was very cramp front there so some of us decided to go later. After there were no more students, i approached her and requested politely to see my marks. She suddenly snapped at my words. "Tak boleh tengok. I hanya bagi tengok sekali shj. U ingat i ni ada masa nak layan kamu?". I explained my reason to her but failed. Ke Er was being treated the same way too. I swore under my breath and went back to my own place. What the.... She doesn't own the right to treat us like that. So unreasonable! Well, this 'cho lo' teacher....with her character like an auntie, speaking malay and english with numerous grammar mistakes. No one in our class likes her and i have no doubt she too, doesn't like us. She treat different students with different attitudes. So faking....

Who would i hate....

2007-09-16T04:22:00.000-07:00

Top 5 'characters' i HaTE the most:-

1. Pretending

2. Dishonest

3. Selfish

4. Arrogant

5. Irresponsible

A novel i read...

2007-09-15T23:44:00.000-07:00

I had just finished reading a novel, title is 'When You Go Away' written by Jessica Barksdale Inclan. The novel was quite good. It is all about a mother of three, one of them was severely disabled. Peri was abandoned by her husband, one day reaches the breaking point and does the unthinkable. It was their estranged grandpa, Carl-determined to make up his own parenting failures in the past, who reaches out in unexpected ways. With Peri's fierce determination she won back the right to be a mother, which all made their lives new.

Welcome back wei wern!

2007-09-15T23:20:00.000-07:00

What a surprise! Wei wern is back in JB. Ah...miss her so much. Omg! She changed into a lady. Wore a skirt and blouse today. So, now im not gonna be lonely anymore in physics tuition. Know how quiet i was when she transferred to KL? Looking forward to see you in school soon...^.^

Sword in my HanD

2007-09-15T07:55:00.000-07:00

Sketched by pei ling- 15th September 2007

Addicted...

2007-09-15T07:49:00.000-07:00

I have been more and more addicted to Internet these days. Once started, couldn't stop. Just like returning to the past. Let me think.....should be around form 2 or 3. I remember i was more addicted at that time. IcQ, mSN, FriENDsTer, nEOpeTs....u name it. I played till late night, past midnight. Haa....yesterday was kinda 'shiok'. Chatting with wei wern and yee ser till around 1 a.m.. We even continued the next morning. I don't really understand why we have so much to chat. Girls mar. Hahax! Most of the time we talk craps. Ehem....never ever i heard anyone had serious talk through msn though. Anyway, i enjoyed a lot.

Music keeps me aLive!

2007-09-15T07:47:00.000-07:00

Recently, i have been crazy about mUsic. My MP3 player has been my tool of life ever since i bought it. I would bring it anywhere i could. It has been my remedy to reduce stress, pressure, sadness and kill tiMe. I listen mostly to English songs. Chinese still okay but usually i couldn't understand the lyrics. Too profound for me. My most favourite song is 'Heaven Knows' by Daniel Lee, the 'Malaysia Idol'. His voice...ah...so touching, full of power. I was totally captivated by his song, Heaven Knows. Since then, he became one of my idols. Other than him, i listen to avril lavinge, simple plan, maroon 5, YIDA, jay c. and may day. Music is my LIFe!

Happily ever after?

2007-09-14T05:20:00.000-07:00

Where did the idea of "happily ever after" come from anyway?
The reality is , life is a blend of happy and sad times, amazing times and not-so-great times. If we can find a way to appreciate the good times, the low times won't seem as bad.

A spoilt day

2007-09-14T04:57:00.000-07:00

She went with us today. The "super-saver". The "she" here refers to jia ying. I could just hope she wouldn't browse my blog. Ah, who care if she does? Actually i don't really want her to tail along. I never suggested her at the first place. But since she is kuan shuen and jean friends, i got nothing to say. Know what, everytime i went out with her, i will think of how she made us (ly, yx, ke and me) hate her. I don't think anyone of us could let it go. Not that we are not being magnaninous enough but.... So what happen today.... We went to watch "Naraka 19". She commented on the movie so much. Yeah, she always give bad comments rather than to sugggest beforehand....before we deicide. Then we had lunch...she commented again. 5 bucks for a bowl of noodles, very expensive to her. Okay, fine. May i ask if there is other cheaper place to eat in cs? Funny. Since she wants to save every cents....then don't go out with us. What ks said was true...plkn is most suitable for her. 5 free meals per day plus free accomodation.

I failed!

2007-09-14T04:52:00.000-07:00

(Scream) Im in damn bad mood now. Even though i already predicted i would fail after stepping out from then exam room, im still sad, disappointed. In my dictionary, fail rarely exists. I failed my Grade 8 piano practical. Who to blame? Myself of course! For not practising everyday but few times a month, for involving too much in chess club, for being lazy. I can still remember how hard i practise everyday few days before the exam. That time, i was really scared and tension. I played till my hands go weak, my mind nearly went physco. Even my mum was worried at my state. She had been a good support for me. Thanks to her for calling me to make sure i calm myself during exam. I had been such a let down to her...and to myself.Argh...failed...first time though. My skill wasn't that lousy actually. In fact, Mr Lam pinned high hope on me. I even skipped a few grades before. Maybe im too greedy...think too highly of myself. I should take the exam next year. Now im stuck here failing Grade 8. The examiner...haiz... Why don't she give me lower marks. 5 more marks to passing point. So 'gek'. If i were given lower marks then i would not be so sad. "She is just trying to be kind enough".Waa....! REally feel like crying. Why failed? Even for school exam papers i never failed, except for chinese paper lolx(but i did pass for the second time) No appetite....can't sleep....!!!!!!

Weeping in silence...

2007-09-12T23:27:00.000-07:00

Bleach- Ichigo

2007-09-12T23:20:00.001-07:00

Do you know anyone who is stubborn?

2007-09-12T23:14:00.000-07:00

If I were to name one stubborn person in my family, it would have been "me". I've always tried to view my stubbornness as a good thing. After all, a little stubbornness goes a long way when it comes to being up against a challenge. I'm the one who "keeps on keeping on", refusing to say " I can't". But like most things in life, there is a flip side to all of this stubbornness. And the flip side is not so good. Sometimes I am the last person to ask for help when I really need it, let alone accept help from anyone. In my mind, no one thought more of me. If anything, they felt sorry for me.

FiVe staGes of Grief

2007-09-12T23:08:00.000-07:00

1. Denial : We don't believe that the loss has happened. Deceiving own self.

2. Anger : We are furious with the person who died, with friends, family ....even the world.

3. Bargaining: We want to bargain with God to go back in time and have things end differently.

4. Depression about the loss : We are numb and sad.

5. Acceptance : We come to accept the loss and stop mourning

Best Friends Ever

2007-09-12T23:04:00.000-07:00

How long has it been seen we catch a movie, go red box, hang around in cs...? It must has been more than half a year or so. Leay Ying, Ying Xian, Ke Er and me... we have long time never really talk to each other.Our friendship is like fading with time. I really miss those days, living in our own world, doing stuffs we enjoy. Maybeits because of ME. These months, I had been busying with endless work. Chess Club, Kiwanis stuffs... I am really very tired and fed up with all these... Then, I switched my Physics tuition to Tuesday. Worst, we hardly have any chance to talk, have lunch.... Most of the time I have been joining other friends. Maybe due to Chess Club, Kuan Shuen, Yee Ser and me are getting closer day by day. During holidays, i went to movies with them. I still remember how close we were past few years. We have been best friends...maybe more than that. We did most of the things together. We are the best buddies! We went share happiness, sadness, anger, pressure but never loneliness. Just as long as we are together, no one feels lonely. I has been such a fun. Skipping class, chatting, laughing at nonsences, creating trouble, do all the lame thingy... Our Genting trip was the most memorable moment. I guess you all have the same sentiment, right?This year, I feel something change in myself. I couldn't figure out what it is. Something missing. My true self? Is it because of the environment factor ? I really treasure our special friendship no one else can understand. I just hope we can return to the past...

Check thIs ouT

2007-09-08T06:34:00.000-07:00

This girl..., Xin Ying, wanted to fame herself. So, I prepared a column for her. See...how kind of me. Hehex. She is our SM. Jangan main main....
During tuition, we are like parrot. Keep chatting and laughing non stop. We mostly talk nonsense....lame stuffs. Then, we seldom pay attention in add math class. Puan Tan must be fade up with us. Never pay attention and worst of all...didn't pass up homework. So terrible!
Remember ah...next time don't talk so loud. Must control. And....don't be so "deaf" lo. Must drop a comment for this...!

Thanks Wei Wern....

2007-09-07T10:15:00.000-07:00

Thanks a lot for helping me with this blogging stuffs. In fact u help me to decorate my background....and music....
Really thanks a lotz......:)

Exams

2007-08-29T22:37:00.000-07:00

Exams are going on. Still I am here creating a blog....haih...funny. I got no idea why i start blogging. Maybe too boring or what...haha. Well...the trial exam was bad for me. Two weeks to go!!! Oh my!